wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
