I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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