she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
