We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
