I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
