Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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