just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
