Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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