He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
