if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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