There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
