btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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