Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
