I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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