theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
