Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just sucked dick on a ferry
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
