I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
