He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
