I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize