there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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