Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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