Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
