His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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