after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
