oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
