I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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