If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
