So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
