I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
