Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize