If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
