I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
