just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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