i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
