I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
