i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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