His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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