I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
