He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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