need another drink. this is the easiest way
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
