Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
