How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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