Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
