He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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