literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
