I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
