I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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