My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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