Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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