Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
