Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
