I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think your dad took our porno
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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