your parents love me but you hate me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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