Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
