She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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