New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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