So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
