He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
