i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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