So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I smell like Dick and happiness
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize