3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
