Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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