Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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