My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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