i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize