Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
