You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
