I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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