Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
