you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
