You can't special order awesome
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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