Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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