I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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