Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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