I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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