Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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