I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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