I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
