i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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